Who is Sandra Horley ?
Sandra Horley, OBE, is a prominent figure in the UK's fight against domestic violence. Born in Canada, she moved to the UK and began her career in social work, eventually becoming the chief executive of Refuge, one of the country's leading charities dedicated to supporting victims of domestic abuse. Horley led Refuge for over three decades, from the 1980s until her retirement in 2020. Under her leadership, Refuge grew from a single shelter into a national network providing safe housing, counseling, and advocacy for thousands of women and children each year. She was awarded an OBE in 2011 for her services to the prevention of domestic violence and has been a vocal campaigner, appearing in media outlets and influencing policy.
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Her views on domestic violence center on "woman abuse" as a distinct phenomenon driven by patriarchal structures. She has stated that "domestic abuse is rooted in power and control, and gender inequality."
This perspective has earned her praise for highlighting the plight of female victims but has also sparked debate, particularly regarding male victims. Critics argue that her framing minimizes or separates male experiences, potentially contributing to a lack of support for men and, in extreme cases, higher suicide rates among male victims. Horley's ideologies are grounded in second-wave feminism, viewing domestic violence as a tool of male domination over women. She coined the term "Charm Syndrome Man" to describe abusers who appear affable outwardly but exert control privately. In her book, she writes: “Charm was, and still is, a common technique of control used by men who abuse women, not just in the eyes of their partners but in the eyes of many people they meet.”
This charm isolates victims, as friends and family often side with the abuser, leading women to doubt their own experiences.
Horley emphasizes that abuse encompasses more than physical violence—it includes emotional, financial, and sexual control. For instance, she shares stories of women denied access to bank accounts or raped shortly after childbirth.
She links this to broader societal issues:
“Men continue to abuse women because society lets them get away with it... While the current levels of gender inequality in this country remain, we will continue to see domestic violence.”
Her work at Refuge focused on empowering women, challenging myths that victims "provoke" abuse, and advocating for better police responses.
In interviews, Horley has highlighted progress, like increased awareness, but laments stagnation: “The world has changed since I started at Refuge 36 years ago, women today are experiencing other forms of violence and abuse, including rape and sexual violence.” She criticizes gimmicky policies, arguing for systemic change rather than superficial measures.
These ideologies have influenced UK policy, contributing to laws like the Domestic Abuse Act 2021. However, her focus on gender-specific violence has led to accusations that she overlooks male victims, framing abuse as inherently male-perpetrated.
Why Horley Insists Men Cannot Be Victims: Examining Her Stance
Contrary to the query's premise, Horley does not outright insist that men cannot be victims of domestic violence. In fact, she acknowledges male victims, noting that “it’s not just women who are victims of domestic abuse, with some reports suggesting one in every three victims are male.”
However, she distinguishes "domestic violence against men" from what she calls “woman abuse,” arguing they are “two separate issues.”
According to Horley, “The reasons why a woman might hit a man are different to why a man hits a woman... When a woman hits a man it’s usually in self-defence, out of fear or desperation. Whereas when a man hits a woman it’s usually about power and control.”
This separation stems from her belief that woman abuse is rooted in systemic gender inequality, where men replicate societal power imbalances. Refuge primarily supports women because, as Horley sees it, addressing gender inequality is key to ending violence against women. She has said Refuge supports a small number of men through outreach but maintains focus on women.
Critics interpret this as denial, claiming it implies male victims' experiences are less valid or not "true" abuse.
Horley's early research, as cited in some sources, found that 62% of women in shelters were "violence-prone" themselves, suggesting reciprocity in abuse.
However, she later emphasized unidirectional power dynamics. This evolution reflects her commitment to feminist theory, where abuse is seen as patriarchal, not symmetric.
The Alleged Link Between Horley's Ideologies and Suicide Among Male Victims
The claim that Horley's ideologies contribute to suicide among male victims arises from men's rights advocates (MRAs). They argue that feminist-framed advocacy, like Horley's, perpetuates the Duluth Model—a framework viewing DV as male dominance—leading to underfunding of male shelters and stigma against male victims. This, they say, causes isolation, hopelessness, and higher suicide rates.
Lack of Support Services: In the UK, there are over 4,000 refuge spaces for women but fewer than 200 for men.
MRAs blame feminist leaders like Horley for prioritizing women, leaving men without help.
A 2024 study showed male victims are less likely to seek help due to fear of disbelief.
Suicide Statistics: Men account for 75% of UK suicides.
A US study found IPV in 43% of suicides with partner problems.
In Australia, 10.2% of male suicides involved family violence victimization.
theconversation.com
Advocates argue denial exacerbates this; one MRA forum post links feminist denial to male despair.
Conclusion: Weighing the Legacy
Horley's work has saved lives, but the debate on male victims persists. Her ideologies highlight gender dynamics but may overlook symmetry. The evidence on suicide is mixed, with supportive claims from advocates and unsupportive from data showing perpetrator focus.
French 21st-century sociologist Pauline Delage offers insight:
"“Violence against women”, “sexist” or “gender-based violence” are three ways of qualifying violence putting the emphasis on its structurality. This violence targets women because they are women. They take root and reproduce structures of domination (sexism) and social structures (gender system)."
This echoes Horley's view, urging us to address structures while ensuring inclusivity for all victims.
Let's also not make the same mistake of ignorance because there's a side to every coin:
Barbara Benedettelli Italian sociologist, offers a contrasting perspective to structural gender-based explanations of violence:
"Findings reveal near symmetry between female (114) and male (111) victims and highlights systemic gaps in prevention policies when violence is framed solely through the patriarchal or domestic lenses"
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